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I will work with a french guy! A survival guide with french colleagues.

Edito signé SCHILLING Hervé - Humeur

I will work with a french guy! A survival guide with french colleagues.

I am french, so I know what I am talking about. Working with this mob can be very strange and hazardous.
That is why I will give you here some tips that could be useful if you happen to work with a french guy. Or myself.

French worker love to complain

© Photographer: Photoeuphoria | Agency: Dreamstime.com

A French who complains about his work, his workload, his lack of time, the poor quality of the organization etc. is an happy French coworker. Try to improve the organization, lower his workload, you will receive a bunch of new complaints in return, especially if he is happy with it.
Our French kings were all deficient. We decapitated one of them, and most of those who ruled the country after him. Since then, we are always complaining about our Republic V5.0, we are convinced that the German cars are better than the French ones, we said that the Eiffel tower was an architectural mistake when it was built...
In France, we are traditionally unsatisfied. If you are kind, you will call it perfectionism. But the perfection must come from the other people.

French workers are proud

Let's talk about perfection! Remember that french coworkers are perfect. If you find mistakes in their work, it will not be their fault. For instance, if I am not able to speak a perfect English, it is because my 5 or 6 successive English teachers were stupid weasels. Not because I preferred playing French games on a French Thomson computer instead of studying. If you find typos in my document, it is due to my stupid keyboard or my spell checker who add typos in my perfect document.
And my product is perfect! If not, it is due to all of these idiots who are wasting my work!
So do not assume I am not the perfect coworker, or I will leave and your business will go bankrupt!

Lunch time is sacred

Au Pied de Cochon

Now that you have upset your French coworker, you can use the following tip to restore harmony in your team: Restaurant with strange parts of animals, fat and  wine.
You know that the French pride, after their 100% French wine (taking of cutting american vine shoot since 19th century, but do not tell them), their stinky cheese (France is auto proclaimed the homeland of cheese, like Switzerland, Netherlands, and actually all the countries producing milk in the world) is the French Gastronomy.
We French people love to have a good meal including tripe, guts, pig ear, foot, gum. You may think I write this ironically, but I love it and I advise all my friends visiting Paris to try my favorite restaurant "Au pied de Cochon" near the Saint-Eustache cathedral (I never went in the cathedral, but regularly go on pilgrimage in this restaurant).
A good and long lunch with good fat, wine, meat, one entry, one plate, another plate, a cheeseboard accompanied with Bordeaux wine, a good dessert, another dessert and a coffee or a drop of the hard stuff, and you French coworker will be again your best friend for life. If not, he is not really French. Like a German guy who would not drink Beer and wear Birkenstock in winter.
That is why the lunch time lasts 2 hours in Paris. Because, you need to choose a restaurant, then you go to the restaurant. If there is no place, you deliberate to select another restaurant. After that you have to choose your menu, the wine, who will drive you back. After that you have to catch the attention of the waiter (very difficult in Paris). Complain about the delay. Complain because your meal is too cold, too hot, not what you have ordered, you have a flee in your glass (see point 1 and check the good proposition). 

But French people are all different

Like everybody in the world, every French individual is specific. You will not find two of them strictly identical. Our mind, our taste are influenced by medias and our modern way of life. You find Americans who drink only french wines, and you have French people who eat everyday Hamburgers.
In fact, these prejudice are only a way to create a national or local identity. I worked with lot of people, and I enjoyed it fast always. Excepted when I worked with that strange psychopath who did strange things with his rectum, that it would be chocking to explain here...

So forget this stupid list and try to accept and cooperate with the people who are different, or you will end up alone in your lounge conversing with virtual imaginary friends on your laptop!

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©Hervé Schilling